It is a sweltering summer morning 9:00 am at the Pacific Coffee outlet at Festival Walk. Only some of its yellow lights are on, under which a few elderly costumers are reading newspapers as they sip their morning coffee.

A youth walks in with careful steps. He is tall but a bit skinny. His pale pink shirt suggests an outgoing nature but there is a sense of shyness in his eyes. He is Ivan – ‘just another 17-year-old Chinese boy next door,’ he describes himself. But, as we discover, there is much more to Ivan than that – he is starting to find himself, to realize that he, too, must find his own niche in this complex world of ours. .

‘I’m simply Ivan,’ he begins. ‘I am a very ordinary person – just too ordinary to be interviewed.’

But Ivan has a certain presence. In a way his presence lights up the room. Almost everyone raises their eyebrows and observes him from head to toe for a few seconds as he strolls to the table.

Ivan’s appearance even triggers a comment from the next table as an old man grumbles to his wife, .’Why can’t our grandson wake up so early in the morning, too?’ Then adds sarcastically ‘But then I suppose he’d just start playing his computer games again.’

That’s the sort of impression Ivan makes on other people, as maybe a role model. There is certainly something about his body language and the attitude he projects. In one sense he is ordinary, but in another he is diligent enough to shine, just as he did in the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) Fly High Conference** organized by AIESEC+ in the summer.

‘That’s the first time I felt like I was accomplishing SOMETHING with a group of people where I belonged. That conference made me feel that I had really learnt SOMETHING and achieved GROWTH. At my school, all the talk is about fashion, music or relationships.’

Ivan pauses to sample his iced mocha, then tells how he was nominated to represent his school to discuss CSR issues with student delegates from many other schools, especially the top ones in Hong Kong.

‘The conference really opened up my mind. I mean it when I say it has It has given me a new perspective’’

‘My schoolmates may see me as a stern, well-disciplined and demanding person since I’ve been a class prefect for years,’ he replies with a bitter smile. .’It’s a stereotype I can’t get rid of. Once my nickname was ‘the Messenger from Hell’ ‘. He shakes his head gently to depict the burden of authority forced unwillingly on his shoulders.

‘I feel bad about being labeled. Just because it’s my responsibility to maintain discipline does not mean I can’t be fun and friendly. Like everywhere else students here often rebel against what we call the authority figures, and sometimes I just don’t know where I should stand.’

But Ivan adds philosophically, ‘Some students must act as prefects to maintain discipline. I’ve got to live with my image at school. I just try to survive as a mediator, the same as I do as the middle child in my family.’

Ivan’s alma mater was once regarded as a good school in Hong Kong, but in recent years student discipline has slipped noticeably. The Au brothers have all gone to the same school for more than 10 years, but while his family has developed such a firm bond with the school Ivan admits he is not proud of it.

In particular he becomes disgusted when he sees his schoolmates with their shirts hanging out and their ties loosened, lingering around Festival Walk with their girlfriends after school. He itches to reproach them for such poor behavior since, as a senior student, he knows deep down that he should safeguard the school’s reputation. Ivan also feels lonely sometimes. He wants to engage in other responsibilities at school for personal growth.

‘I must admit that I was too shallow to recognize these good opportunities outside school. I attended the conference solely because my teachers asked me to. I never really expected much.’ He tightens his lips, looking solemn and apologetic.

‘It was the first conference camp I had joined. I thought the conference would be all about academics anyway … which, again, proves how limited the exposure of students at my school is to what’s happening out there in the world.’

Ivan takes a bite of his roasted mushroom pie, which has already become cold.

‘All we usually do at school is to study or just hang around. *‘Conferences’? ‘Global Issues’? ‘Global Vision’? They were new terms to me… what a shame,’ he looks up and continues softly.

Ivan calls all the delegates he met at the conference ‘the brilliant minds’. It is not that there are few bright students in his school but that the delegates he met at the conference were just – different

‘These brilliant minds I had met in the conference were so humble that they treated everyone equally. The discussions were peaceful. Nobody was proud. The fact that academically they were high-achievers didn’t affect the way they mixed with everybody else. There were also private talks at night that were particularly inspiring to me. Everyone enjoyed the carefree atmosphere for open exchange.’

The memories make Ivan’s eyes sparkle. ‘Sans Frontieres’ is perhaps what Ivan really yearns for, but doesn’t experience at school. Without a culture of respect and open exchange, even teens with their own perspectives will tend to retreat and conceal their thoughts, as Ivan does.

Of course he has friends at school … ‘but what we talk about most of the time is only “teen-stuff”. You may be surprised – but to be frank, I have NEVER talked with my friends the way the delegates and I did at the conference. I have never revealed my heartfelt feelings and thoughts to them because such things would not appeal to their interests. My friends and I have CHATS, not TALKS.’

At the conference camp, Ivan and his new friends talked all night in one delegate’ room. Instead of chatting or exchanging trivia they opened up their hearts to one another. They disclosed the cultures of their schools, how they felt about the traditions and candidly revealed both the constructive and destructive natures of their school spirits. It made Ivan feel humbled, like a little kid. All his other group mates came from the very best traditional schools in Hong Kong with the richest school cultures.

‘I was astounded when they described their school cultures with intense emotions and school spirits – I had never imagined how attached one could be to his school. They talked about democracy and respect in their schools, what they were proud of …’ His eyes wide open, Ivan raises his eyebrows to emphasize the point . Unconsciously he keeps pulling at his shirt as he speaks, unaware of how his body language is conveying his mood swings and state of mind.

‘I am never proud of my school. All everyone cares about is their personal business. The principal declares that schooling is all about academics and so there is no CCA. We never receive compliments for our talents in Music or Sports. Talk about cultural events and traditions – they are only for fun.’

There was a drawing session at the conference camp – delegates were asked to create a picture showing the relationship between the world and themselves. Unlike the others, who created a variety of colorful figures, Ivan drew only a grey shadow. The rest of the paper was left blank.

‘Everyone asked me why I didn’t draw something more, but I just couldn’t think of anything to depict. At first I just thought I was an unimaginative person… but soon I realized that perhaps I just didn’t know much about myself.’

Ivan attributes this lack of self-discovery to his limited exposure at school. What he mainly gained from the conference is this philosophy: by interacting with people in the outside world, we realize how we perceive and interpret things. We can also recognize our own standpoint in the world and, most importantly, who we are.

‘This is why the conference meant so much to me – it helped me self-actualize,’ he says It is a genuine declaration. When the closing ceremony was about to take place on the final day, and everybody else was busy taking photos with their new friends, Ivan found himself overcome with emotion.

‘I must say I am not an emotional person. But without wanting to I cried at that moment because the entire conference was so profound to me. Those top students from traditional good schools did not find anything special in the conference since they have enjoyed so many co-curricular activities that long ago they acquired a sense of belongingness at their schools. To them this was just another interesting educational activity. But this was my first time. It let me see for the first time who and what I am. That realization was so profoundly spiritual that, without me wishing it, I could only react by shedding a few tears.’

And so Ivan’s eyes – clear and dry with this one exception – were finally opened to what is meant by ‘YOUTH’. We are to experience, to express, and to make changes.

‘I guess that now I see the importance of not limiting ourselves to our little worlds at school. Whether we can broaden our horizons depends on our own attitude. I can choose to stay at home during the summer all day long doing nothing but watch movies and listen to music. But now I have a new motivation -- I can also choose to attend conferences that will sharpen my perspectives.

Ivan finishes his iced-mocha. The table is wet from the droplets of condensation sliding down his cup. Are they symbolic of the sweat and tears a teen must shed as she or he heads towards future life, a career, a family?
‘I’m Ivan, simply Ivan. I guess I would like to tell other teens out there that whether they are John, Mary, Peter or another Ivan, they are unique. Be persistent – hold on to your own principles. Like me, you may not be born in a family that values education. You may not have been nurtured in a good school with rich traditions. Yet, grasp the opportunities you come across – nobody is doomed.’

He places his cup on the table and grins, as if he is a successful CEO who has just been interviewed by Time Magazine.

‘All we need is to take the initiative to learn and experience. Life is more than just movies, music and computer games. We are young, so live the way YOUTHS are meant to…’ Ivan is speaking just like the facilitaters who guided him through the conference.

‘Now, I also belong to this AIESEC conference group – which is formed by delegates whom I can communicate with and learn new things from them.’ He smiles contentedly. He is on the cusp of exploring the wide wild world with his new comrades. After all, he is Ivan Au – a 17-year-old in the midst of self-discovery.

[July 2007]

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