Posted on Aug 29, 2007

iCUBED.us September Editorial
by Margaret Chen, Editor-in-Chief

What has Value, but not a price?
Love. True Love.

In our market-driven world, we’ve come to treat Love as a commodity, as such, Love does not have power, Love as commodity doesn’t heal or rejuvenate our spirit, but turns even the transcendent into the common. Love as a commodity doesn’t last and is easily replaced, often in a comic-tragic cycle of pledging and re-pledging eternal devotion.

With divorce rates hovering around 50%, young people are questioning the Institution of Marriage – it seems doomed from the start – but maybe, just maybe giving up on Marriage isn’t the answer, blaming the Institution of Marriage for the fifty percent that end in divorce would be to condemn the wrong culprit. And what about the 50% that succeed?

The guilty party isn’t the Institution of Marriage, it’s our faulty expectations of what Love is, and also of what Marriage means. We are often arrogant and expect Love to last without nurturing it, wanting only to continue to feel the same level of excitement, the same intensity, as if Love were a drug taken for cheap thrills. At least with drugs we don’t expect the thrills to last.

Too often people enter into Marriage for the wrong reasons. It’s time. Or, it looks good on paper . Marriage in these cases means “looking good for the neighbors”.

With the passage of time, marrying for the wrong reasons will lead to a widening gap between the two people because there isn’t a chance of building a real connection. The couple can find no common ground.

Marriage is a bond between two people, a bond of caring, and of mutual appreciation between two emotionally mature individuals who know, and are comfortable with themselves – it is not a crutch or a way to avoid working on making yourself a whole person.

True Love lasts. It lasts because it isn’t only about a surface attraction, nor is it only about how a person makes you feel but rather, it’s about a real connection, a meeting of minds that can only get stronger over time.

In days gone by, dating was a ritual, with very formal rules, but like many things in our modern world, we’ve dispensed with the formalities and done away with the rules. Rules and formalities are there to help guide us, and the good ones will help to keep us on track. These days some young people have become so cynical about relationships, they want only to “hook up”, no strings attached…

Dating is really about getting to know yourself – learning about yourself – as much as you are learning about the other person.

Seems obvious: “I am me”, “I like this but not that”, but one thing’s for sure, what you like today may not be what you like tomorrow… Learn to know yourself deeply, by facing the most difficult aspects of your own personality, only then can you form a lasting bond with another person who likewise has done the work of getting to know themselves.

There is Love that depletes you, and then there is Love that makes you stronger. Learn to choose the kind of Love that makes you stronger, and that makes you a better person. I think it starts with YOU.

Margaret Chen
Editor-in-Chief, iCUBED.us

..... Stop here Please click here to read: iCUBED.us' editorial theme for Summer 2007 iCUBED.us' editorial theme for October 2007 Life Lessons: “What is the True Definition of Love?” Part II...by Silent Sky, published on 29 July 2009 Life Lessons: “What is the True Definition of Love?” Part I...by Silent Sky, published on 22 July 2009 LOVE IS RESPECT: TEEN DATING ABUSE HELPLINE ANNOUNCES 'THE LOVE CAMPAIGN', by nycScribbler, 24 September 2008 LOVE AND ZEN, by Margaret Chen, published on 27 September 2007