Posted on Sep 19, 2007

by Jennifer Deayton
19 September 2007

Think back over the last week – how many conversations did you have online and how many did you have IRL (In Real Life)? Do you think the people you encounter online are totally honest or do they stretch the truth just a bit in their personal profiles or blogs? And when you meet someone attractive, DYFH (Did You Facebook Him/Her)?

It’s a constant flow of information for today’s totally wired teens. Who are we when we’re online? Can we find love through IM?

Human beings are social creatures. Without face-to-face interaction, verbal communication and human touch, most people would find the world a very lonesome place.

So how does technology fit into the equation? Does instant, faceless communication facilitate relationships, or does it actually hinder our ability to create deep and lasting bonds?

A recent study found that technology is partly responsible for a growing 'epidemic of shyness' . Robin Abrahams, psychologist and Harvard Business School researcher, says, “In the past, only about 40 percent of people reported being shy in social situations. It’s now a significant problem affecting about half.”

Abrahams, who is also an etiquette columnist, says rapid change makes it difficult for some people to navigate school, work and social situations. “At the same time,” she says, “technology is enabling us to opt out of difficult situations and causing people to become more insular.”

Once, many moons ago, we met and fell in love via walks in the park and conversations over a shared chocolate sundae. Then came the telephone, which sustained young romance from the beginnings of popular teen culture in the 1950s well into the 1990s. Nowadays we can choose from a long list of communication devices: IM, Skype, email, SMS, Facebook et al.

With their growing numbers and user-friendly set-up, sites like MySpace and Facebook offer countless opportunities for self-expression and connection, romantic and otherwise.

A recent CNN article looked at incoming college freshman and how they used Facebook over the summer to begin friendships even before they stepped on campus. While the site helps people get acquainted, at the same time most students feel it’s more important to meet people on campus.

“There is always the underlying suspense that they are not [the same] in person as they are online. Sometimes it’s easier to meet people in person because then you can judge body language and vocal tone,” says Kat Campbell-Conlon, a freshman at University of Western Ontario.

Echoing Campbell-Conlon’s skepticism, most teens find that person-to-person interaction is essential to building lasting relationships.

Results from a joint MTV/Nickelodeon/Microsoft global survey show technology has enabled young people to have more and closer friendships thanks to constant connectivity. But the overwhelming response was that “young people don’t love the technology itself—they just love how it enables them to communicate all the time, express themselves and be entertained.”

The survey questioned young people in 16 countries, aged 8-24, and found that most everyone had access to similar digital technologies, though they used them in different ways. Interestingly, the study also found, “Despite the plethora of new communicating tools, a majority in almost every nation expressed a preference for meeting in person, although Japanese, Chinese, Poles and Germans scored higher than others when it came to wanting to communicate online. Only Chinese youth actually expressed a majority preference for texting over face-to-face meetings.”

A greater depth and range of friends; the ability to express yourself unedited; and instant information all the time – these are the benefits of today’s technology. Yet, when it comes to building true friendships and romantic relationships, teenagers still need face-to-face communication. Even now a good old conversation remains the first step to a lasting romance.

And finally – what’s the next stage in technology's communication evolution? For only US$29, you can own the Love Detector! According to its website (love-detector.com), the Love Detector for PC Skype is “a new software technology, designed to detect love and other relevant emotions over a Skype telephone conversation.” Voice Analysis technology “monitors your friend's voice to detect minute indications of emotional arousal.”

But if you still believe that relationships can only flourish IRL, there's also a pocket PC version… for those romantic walks in the park.

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